I want to have your abortion
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize