note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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