i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
