You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
