he thought i was a dude.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
