just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
