I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
