coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love having hate sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
