She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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