did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
