This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
