I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
