i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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