just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize