see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
