I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
