I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
