I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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