Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
