we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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