Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
