I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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