I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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