so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
