sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
