Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
