So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
