Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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