Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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