dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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