life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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