I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize