I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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