Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
