first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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