the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
