I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
