Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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