So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
