I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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