I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need a burrito and a hug.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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