omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
