Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Alive.
So much puke
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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