its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
