Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
