Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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