i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
