I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
