On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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