Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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