...so i touched it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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