I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All the doctor said was why
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
