I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
