I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
