Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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