What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
