why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
