My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize