i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
