the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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