I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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