Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
