My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
