If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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