I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
