You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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