we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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