He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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