Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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