I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
