Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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