I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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