My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
