Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
