I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
