he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
