I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
